FF Rants
by xX GTAshadow Xx
Summary: Just some random rants. Complete nonsense and junk.
1. Dissidia

**Randomness Rants**

**Dissida: FF**

Well, it looks like Garland burnt the turkey again, causing Warrior of Light and Firion to go out and buy another one. They screw it up and buy a giant chocobo instead, but Garland decides to cook it anyway. Onion Knight starts chopping up pieces of bread in the pantry while Cloud of Darkness makes... uh, cake? Or is it pizza? Who cares!? Cecil fires up the coffee pot while Golbez goes out to buy booze. Bartz throws marbles around Exdeath's office (wtf?). Exdeath swallows the marbles and later shoots them at Kefka. Kefka catches them and tries to extract magic from them. Terra uses this distraction to blow Kefka across the world where he lands in Ultimecia's pot of soup. Ultimecia and Sephiroth team up and kick his ass. Cloud and Squall rush in and kick the crap out of Ultimecia and Sephiroth. Zidane tries to ask Terra out, but gets turned down. Kuja laughs at him, then gets owned by Grand Lethal. Tidus throws blitzballs at Prefects... (wtf? He's at Bullworth?) Jecht helps out by chucking Gary Smith at Dr. Crabblesnitch. (Again wtf?) Shantotto owns everything in sight while Gabranth dance to unfitting music.

CONTINUED... with another FF...

Final Thought:

PINGAS!!!

Chaos - "You forgot me! Ah, screw it! (chugs beer)


	2. Anything Goes!

**Randomness Rants**

**Whatever you wish... (anything goes)**

_**What is happening down there...? All that shouting.. oh, it's Ramza level-grinding. And some ninjas are beating up a behemoth. Seymour and Kuja are complaining about being banned from XBOX Live. **_

_**What? How'd Miley get out? I thought Sephiroth was guarding her! Oh well, I guess Vaan will have to get out the Super Soaker again... and Kefka needs new DVD discs to burn his 'End of the World' videos. What are those? ...Kefka...**_

_**Ramza is Level 99 now. So is Cloud. And Zidane. And Angry Cat Man. Oh, wait... here's an ad...**_

_Get the f-k outta my dinner! Get the f-k outside! Run! F-king stay outta my dinner! F-k you, you f-kin' pussy! Don't f-kin' stare at my dinner!_

_**Brought to you by Angry Cat Man Dinners.**_

_**Enemy AC130 inbound. Enemy UAV spotted! Care Package on the way! Sephiroth was in the care package. He killed everyone with Supernova, the new Tactical Nuke.**_

_**Miley is still out? Sh-t, Vaan! Hurry up!**_

_**Vaan sucks with a super soaker, so Balthier will take over. Yes! Balthier has captured Miley! Good! Now let's go grind on Adamantoises... come one, Snow! We need a Sentinel!**_

_**Snow - "We gotta win this!"**_

_**Continued...**_


	3. Duck Soup?

**More Random Junk... WTF?**

Wow, that's the biggest gunblade I've ever seen! It dwarfs Lion Heart! Now, try it out on Kefka or Garland! WTF? Miley escaped again? VAAN! Get over here and send a few Torrents and Windbursts out! Tell Exdeath to stop cooking that Angry Cat Man Dinner and help keep the Jonas Brothers in line.. er, I mean the VOID!

Looks like Ramza's cats are doing the flying teabag again... get the antidotes! The pizza's here, delivered by Aly Michalka in a cheerleading outfit! Cloud tried to follow her, but got Blizzara'd by Tifa. Gabranth got back from level-grinding Prishe and Gilgamesh to Level 100! Where did Shantotto go? Probably whacking idiots with her staff and then freezing them in ice... Lightning is impatiently waiting to finish up Confessions of the Creator. What? Lightning? Forget that. It's Yuna FTW!

Miley is STILL OUT? Vaan! Hurry the hell up! Oh, she's caught! It's about damn time! That's right, Prishe! Now have some spicy hot tacos! And where the hell's the PSN! Hurry up you... spicy hot tacos! BEEP! Hey, a text! Oh! Aly Michalka's coming back! In her cheerleading outfit! `Vaan went duck hunting with his crossbow again. But why does he call every duck he shoots 'bitch'?

Yuna: "Duck soup!"

What's Yuna's problem? Ifrit using HazyFire again? I thought HazyFire was resolved... the hell? Gilgamesh came by and sliced up a pot roast while Laguna and Kain watched the blitzball game where Wakka got injured again. Pulled groin? How the hell do you pull your groin underwater? He's in the hospital and Shantotto's his doctor. Prishe is also in there due to eating all the spicy hot tacos in the Balamb Garden Cafeteria.

What the hell is 'duck soup'?

Gilgamesh likes the hard swords that Melchior makes in Truce Village. Can he make a long one for Sephiroth? Garland likes 'em huge! Watch out! It's Carl Johnson! He's shooting up the Calm Lands with a heat-seeker! He called in a Tactical Nuke! He defeated Sin! WTF? Sin? I thought Yuna did that... ? Oh, it's the 'other Sin' that Justin Bieber became when he absorbed the thousandth water bottle wrapped in t-shirts that was thrown at him! Wait... Carl Johnson killed !BieberSin? Wow! I gotta tell Wakka... er, I mean Emily Osment!

Seriously, what the HELL is 'duck soup'?

Spicy hot tacos to dip in my duck soup!

Continued later... if Feral Chaos doesn't eat everything...

Feral Chaos soup? No.. way... Gilgamesh... SIR!


	4. Strangers,Beef, and Chaos!

_What is Garland doing with the Chaos Crystal that Squall needs to make the Ultimate Gunblade? Why is there a blonde girl eating all of Jecht's ham and beef steaks? Someone go get that other girl to come and get this blonde girl and get back to that place where they do this show thing! Oh, and some dude was here mumbling like '5 4 3 2..' and 'Stupid Sam..'. Who was that? _

_ Where did the beef go? Did Chaos eat it? No. Garland gave it to Feral Chaos. Zidane had already won the fight, so it was fine. A red-haired girl also came running in exclaiming "What's that supposed to mean?" while Gabranth wouldn't shut up about hatred driving him or trying to get everyone to buy his sword._

_ Didn't Ramza say he found some new Errands in the Eagrose Bar? And he told his crew to take them on since they cleared all the other ones? What if Garland comes to challenge Orlandeau? Oh, that blonde is back... looking for something called _

_"Fat Cakes"... a dark-haired girl came by and dragged her off... strange._

_ Some guy got hit in the groin by a fat cake which Feral Chaos promptly ate. A herd (?) of Malboro was seen moving across the swamp towards Lionel Castle. Will Ramza be able to poach 'em all? _

_ Rumors state that Vaan and Bartz have been playing something called "Pokemon CreepyBlack" and "Pokemon LostSilver". They denied this and quickly ran away screaming. Freaks. Only Gilgamesh knows the truth as he is the one who hacked those games!_

_ In 5 4 3 2... shut up! Get lost, weird kid! Go "fool around" with that blonde girl! Or have a three-way with her and that dark-haired girl! Just stay outta the Order's Sanctuary! Now we wait for Carl Johnson to deliver the weapons..._

_ Weapons- Desert Eagle, Golden Desert Eagle, M16, Semtex, Satchel Charges, 'The Penetrator'._

_ Let's kick some ass!_


End file.
